Why do we depend too much on external validation?

Now and then, it's good to pause and ask yourself what motivates you to do certain things and behave in a certain way. We all have an ego, it's a part of human life. Otherwise, we wouldn't do anything, we would lie in a hammock for days and not learn and achieve anything in our lives.

If you let your ego take too much control of yourself, it will keep you on the hamster wheel, where nothing is ever good enough. No matter how hard you try, no matter how good you are, you are still not satisfied. It’s that child inside us that is seeking approval because at the core of every wound is the fear: ” What if something is wrong with me, what if I'm not enough?”. So what we do, is we try to in every possible way to protect that core wound. We start to depend too much on external validation and lose honest connection to others and ourselves. We might seek approval from our partners, from social media, from supervisors, authorities, and anyone who may give us that validation that we are good enough. Sometimes we also put up walls and start to avoid true intimacy or new opportunities because we don't want to subconsciously face our deepest fears of ”What if there is actually something wrong with me”.

If you are tired of living in a hamster wheel and constantly giving your power to external factors - simply give up and surrender, and let yourself feel that disappointment, that grief. Eventually, your coping mechanism will die, and you can start to rise like a phoenix and welcome a new you who lives more from authenticity and peace. The way to break false beliefs is to go through fear. Permit yourself to feel what needs to be felt and trust that the feeling will eventually pass, and you will get to the other side where you will see things more clearly.

And believe me, I'm no better at this than anyone else, I'm learning to live with my wounds and my ego as well. I'm proud that I have found the courage to face my fears so that I can live the life that I see myself as and grow as a person. Times of growth sometimes come without "your permission" and life forces you to dive deep into painful lessons, and sometimes you have to make conscious choices to move forward in life. That requires courage, perseverance, and tears. Sometimes my ego gets hit so hard that I swear: "Never again, this was the last time". It takes a moment to gather myself, get up again, and go towards my dream life. And that’s the secret that makes us stronger and stronger. All adversity teaches, always.